The most beautiful love story.

 If you know anything about what it means to have someone so important in your life that you will risk everything to be with them, then maybe you can understand my dilemma. 

"Our love is heard in the stories we tell and the laughs we share. Our love is imprinted in every photo we have taken together. Our love is witnessed in the sacrifices we have taken to be together. 

I made many difficult choices so I could be with the man I love.

My marriage was difficult before it even began. I endured intense scrutiny from my family. They all selfishly wanted me to fulfill their own desires. 

When I told my parents I was getting married, both of them began a dialogue of, "She HAS to..." They were convinced that my marriage was ruining my life. Every dream I ever had was being demolished. They never considered that dreams change, or that I could still accomplish my dreams. They had forgotten that my dreams were my own. They had selfishly taken on my dreams, and didn't want to let them go. They expected me to fulfill their dreams.

Robyn Floren (Affidavit for Immigration 2011): "Within  a year Alia began to establish the future she envisioned for herself and  determined the path in which she planned to make these dreams a reality. Her plan to graduate with a Bachelor of Science in Forestry was to be complemented  with entering the Peace Corps with the possibility of continuing her education  after the Peace Corps to achieve a master's degree."

This continued on my wedding day. My mother attempted to make every decision.  She even told me that the wedding wasn't for me, it was for her. She was again trying to use me to accomplish her own dreams, and this hurt me.

My parents were suspicious of my husband. My father verbally assaulted him on our wedding day, by asking him questions in attempt to expose him as an awful person. My mother did the same thing just a week later, by telling him that she would not accept her grandchildren being born outside of the US, and even asking if he was going to put a veil on me. 

Robyn Floren (Affidavit 2011): "In the event of Javier and my daughter not returning to the United  States, the possibility of my grandchildren being born on the other side of the  world would cause hardships on my daughter and our family. The financial and  time constraints in my life would not allow for me to be there with my daughter  when my grandchildren are born. Not being with her to offer support and help, as  well as the personal hardship this would place on me, would change the family  ideals my daughter was raised with. Alia would be left to begin life as a new  mother without the family and friends she would need for support and for sharing  the joyous event of raising children together."  

My parents went crazy when I got married, and while this may be understandable to some point, the lack of restraint they used is not.

My wedding day was a very happy day for me. When I look at the photos, I remember how happy I was.  But, I also see my parents, and it makes me sad that they couldn't enjoy my happiness.  

My husband had to leave very soon after we were married, and I was left alone in Montana. I can remember the day I left him in Seattle.  We sat on the curb outside my friends house, not knowing how long it would be until we saw each other again. I could barely stand it as I watched him in the rearview mirror of my car as I drove away. I struggled the next eight hours to make it back to Montana, where I finally broke down and cried. 

The next months were lonely, but we were still hopeful that something would work out with immigration.  I worked for the Forest Service, trying hard to keep going without my husband.  Near the end of the summer, I finally could not stand it any more, and had to leave the country to see him.  I spent one week in Cancun, Mexico with my husband.  Sitting on the beach, making sand castles, cooking food in hostels.  This was our honeymoon.  

Going to Cancun made it even harder for me when I got back.  Having a taste of what it was like; remembering the feeling of being with that one person that meant more to me than anything. I had a hard time those next couple weeks.  School had started, and I was working on my last year of forestry studies.  But, I couldn't focus, and I wasn't able to get my work done efficiently.  All I could do was think about being with my husband.

I was in a bind. I couldn't stand being away from my husband, but I couldn't imagine withdrawing from school.  But, eventually, it became too much, and I made the very difficult decision of leaving my studies.  Once again, I was under intense scrutiny from my family. My father was the worst, and I still have nightmares about the way he spoke to me.  I was an utter failure to him, and he treated me like I had just commited the worst crime ever.  Again, this was because I was not fulfilling his dreams. It was not his decision, and he hurt me very badly. I barely spoke to him before I left the country for good."

It's not easy to live in a world that you can't adequately interact with, and my husband understood that.  He did all he could to inform me of what people were saying, and to include me, but he could only do so much.  I appreciate everything my husband has done, but unfortunately he couldn't always help.

From the beginning, my marriage was stressful and troubling.  But, this was not because of the relationship itself. My husband and I are tight.

Javier and I are both simple people. We don't watch TV, we are both very stingy with money, and we enjoy the simplicities in life. We love to cook together. Cooking together is how we fell in love. We also love to dance, and while I am the better dancer, I would say that neither of us is very good at it. We are often laughing and joking, and we really like to tease each other. We are very happy people.

I was enamored with him immediately. He is funny, charming, helpful, and completely harmless. I thought he was a little strange, and that is one of the things I grew to love so much about him.

I love my husband, and I can tell you, that he loves me too. This man has comforted me through all the stress of being away from home, in an unfamiliar setting, without the ability to communicate. We share stories of our travels, but we also share dreams for our future. We are in this together.

I will do anything to prove that my marriage is bonafide and true. I know you have told me not to come back to Montana for the interview, but I'll tell you now, that if it will make a difference for me to come and demonstrate the validity of my marriage, I will still come back."  

 

Alia wrote in 2011 these lines to Immigration in order to emphatically explain, that our marriage had been bonafide. Little did she know that eventually she would succumb to her parents pressure and end up absorbing the idea that she deserved much more than a half-blind guy. Indeed, in 2016, Alia mentally broke down after being conquered by South African asshole womanizer Gary Rhenda (she tried to commit suicide and  was later diagnosed Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder). That became the opportunity my mother-in-law had been patiently waiting for since we married, to tear us apart; to manipulate and poison Alia against me to finally fullfill her life-long obsession to forever keep "her child" tied to her.

What followed were without a doubt the most difficult years of my life. I was completely desserted, I could not find any support from anybody in my family. I fell into a deep depression and became self-destructive. I tried desperately to save my marriage, but instead neglected taking care of my eyes and so lost the precious little eyesight I was born with. Soon I found myself basically homeless. If I think back now to everything I went through, it is amazing I did not ended up taking my life. All of a sudden everything had blown up. Just a few weeks later I was in Heaven. If anyone had asked me if there was anything I wanted to change in my life, I do not think I would have known what to say. I did not even care about my visual impairment. I guess, when things are perfect, you better do not touch anything. I just could not believe our lifes could be so wonderful. 

But there was no good reason to make a drama. If there is anything I have learned, is it is always best to stay calm to find the way out of the toughest situations. Our love was solid. After all what we had shared and all what we had gone through, I had all reasons to believe we should be able to sort out the crisis. Alia may have stupidly fallen for an asshole playboy, but I knew she loved me, and I was not going to spare any effort to save our marriage. However, I failed to fully comprehend to what extend Alia had completely broken down. Even worse, if I was never again going to be able to speak with Alia and the fox had instead taken control over the hen house, in all likelihood matters were only going to get worse.  

Nobody has ever wanted to understand I kept fighting for Alia. After what she had done to me, after all what she had hurt me, how could I still love her? It is certainly difficult to say what deserves a more severe judgement: her grotesquely selfish conduct in Cape Town, or her sick evil move, two-and-a-half years later, to falsely accuse me of having abused her all throughout our marriage. Writing on the successive events that took place, it seemed basically impossible to avoid projecting an aweful image of Alia. We are all ridiculously inclined to bias our account in our favor; but even the most objective narration would struggle to spare Alia from a very serious rebuke. Alia left my life bitching that - much unlike her - I would never recognize my own mistakes; but it all gave a very strong impression she could not find any better way to placate her very painful remorse. I am certainly not perfect and it is not hard for me to identify instances where I made bad choices. If I could turn back time, I would most definitely use the opportunity to change some of my decisions and do certain things differently. However, I am pretty sure that Alia herself would be the first to say, that nothing of what I did wrong justified her worse actions. Moreover, I am in complete peace with myself knowing as I do that I never ever did anything to hurt Alia or cause her ill in any way. It simply would have always hurt me to see her suffer. In fact, if I had to point at the biggest of my mistakes, I would not hesitate a second to say I wish I had spend more time with her. I cannot explain enough how much I miss the times and how deeply I regret I did not play more with Alia and indulge myself in her love. I learned that the love of a woman is for a man such a treasure that, if you are ever blessed with it, you better do not leave anything for a later time. I guess, - not unlike Alia - the biggest priority in my life was to succeed in my marriage, and I knew that Alia did not only want my love, but would also need me to prove her my worth. In fact, as it turned out, if Alia eventually left me, it was not because I had not loved her enough, but - by her own account - because she somehow reached the conclusion that I was useless. At the end of the day, I cannot help to think that, whatever mistakes I made, there was little else I could have done to change the outcome. In fact, after having gone a thousand times over all what happened, I have ended up coming to the conclusion that there was actually very little either of us could have done to avoid our marriage's collapse.

Yes, despite all the previous, it would be most absolutely mistaken to condemn Alia. If your conclusion of the story is that I was the hero and Alia was the villain, either I did a really poor job explaining all what happened, or you just got it all wrong, or, most likely, a combination of both. Yes, nobody has ever wanted to understand that Alia was the first victim of her actions. I definitely think it would be fair to say my life was destroyed; but so was Alia's. I may say that under normal circumstances I would have ended up taking my life; but Alia was much closer. She basically lost everything she had, and she actually had a lot. Her whole life fell apart; her dreams were completely shattered; after all what she had fought for them... If at all, we could only argue who of the two paid a higher price for our defiance. As terrible as it is to think of it, fact of the matter is we were destroyed. We had it all and they got it all blown up. We truly loved each other, we were happy; but some people could not stand it. I remember our last months together as if they were yesterday, traveling across Africa from Madrid to Cape Town, and I cannot believe how happy we were. If anybody had told us what was about to happen just a few weeks later, we definitely had dropped dead right there of a heartattack. Given what followed, it is easy for anyone to conclude that I am in denial: happiness may have been how it felt to me; but, as it turned out, it was not how it was for Alia. Yet, if you knew as I do all what was said and done, if it had happened to you, I am absolutely sure, I guarantee, you would agree with me. 

our journey across Africa was a total blast. I just do not seem to be able to find enough words to fully describe it. When we arrived to South Africa in January 2016, we were in total awe, we were on cloud nine. We had done it! We were on top of the world, and we could almost touch the sky. We certainly went through many struggles and tough times; but it is precisely when the challenge is difficult, that the accomplishment feels so much sweeter. We were young and strong. We had all the money we needed to do the things we enjoyed. We were completely free to do whatever we loved the most, and, most importantly, we truly loved each other. We were indeed happy, as happy as anybody can be.           

As Alia described in her letters to Immigration, we had a truly wonderful relationship. We definitely got it difficult from the very beginning, and certainly had bad times; but, probably because of that, as well as for Alia's heart, over the years our love nothing but grew stronger. What a man needs from a woman is her to believe in him, and that is exactly what Alia did for me. Not unlike anybody else, Alia wanted to be loved. However, one of Alia's extraordinary qualities was, that she was always willing to put as much effort and work as hard as necessary, in order to achieve what she dreamed of. Probably for good reasons, women generally refrain from exposing all her interest for a man: the guy will have to prove his love, by working hard for hers. For better or worse, that was not Alia. If she wanted something, she would not beat around the bush to get it. THe way she fought for me was as heroic as it was captivating. I wish the world would like to know, would have the time to hear, about all the magical moments we shared and all the adventures we live together: cooking a really sexy Spanish-tortilla breakfast on our very first morning; celebrating crashing my bike against a truck on my way out of Missoula, because I was getting to see Alia again; learning about the adventures of Hazel and his rabbit friends, as Alia read Watership Down for us; Alia's beautiful, happy face on our wedding; waving Alia goodby in Seattle; sitting on the beach making sand castles during our belated honeymoon in the Mayan Riviera; holding for dear life to the back of a truck, as we hitch-hiked our way down the mountains of Oaxaca towards Puerto Escondido; celebrating Immigration's approval of our marriage registration; playing Monkey and Bunny from Spain to Norway and from Turkey back to Spain; screaming out the windows They Might Be Giant's Dr. Worm and hundreds of other likewise ridiculous songs, along the roads of the whole European continent and beyond; watching the most beautiful sunset in Santorini; playing peekaboo in the caves of Cappadocia, teaching the newly hatched chicks how to drink water; tobogganing down the snowed hills of Rock Creek; feeling the sweet, late-afternoon breeze brushing our hairs, as we crossed the River Congo on the shakiest of all barges; Alia rising in Etosha National Park cheerfully singing" "Wake up baby, go see rhinos!, wake up baby, go see rhinos!"... 

We were indeed a truly awesome team. Everybody we met along our travels got really mesmerized at our love. Even Robyn, Alia's mother, made such remark on her affidavit to Immigration. What we accomplished together is just amazing. We both had to pull out a gallant effort, because we confronted obstacles from all derections: Alia's parents, Immigration, my father, my eye problems... But, without a doubt the biggest difficulty, the toughest challenge, was to cope with the terrible consequences of Robyn's parenting.

Robyn was not prepared to become a mother, and so did not do anything to get baby Alia back, when she was just a few months old and her biological father separated, taking his daughter with him to his parents'. The remorse Robyn felt one-and-a-half years later, when - shortly before commiting suicide - Alia's father brought the baby back, proved to be really traumatizing. It was never Robyn's concern that her daughter would learn how to win the love and appreciation of other people; but all what she cared about was that Alia would adorr and stay forever close to her mother. Indeed, Robyn taught Alia she only needed to make a tantrum to get whatever she fancy. If Robyn's daughter ever wanted something; by hook or crook Robyn's daughter just had to go and grab it. Obviously, that would only work with her mother, but not with anybody else. Robyn so cursed her daughter, by predisposing her to fail in any relationship she would ever try to establish with anybody other than her mother. Yet, whatever anyone may want to make out of Alia, we would have to recognize her one truly extraordinary quality: I do not think I have ever met a person with such an admirable readiness to admit being in the wrong. Indeed, Alia was so good, that what her mother had not wanted to teach her, she figure out by herself. Undoubtedly, we all love to get our way, and Alia was certainly not different. However, Alia, first and foremost, wanted to succeed in her marriage, and she had the truly beautiful goodness and purity of soul to understand that nobody would feel much love for her, if her only concern were to always get her way, regardless of how it may impact other people. Alia was indeed ready to make every effort to be the best person humanly possible:

From Alia's email to me, September 7th 2010:

"... Those instances make me so hateful, so depressed about how I can be. Then, I end up hating the fact that I am so angry with myself. I become even more self-loathing, just because I am self-loathing.  I don't want to be that person with you - EVER.  I hate that angry person so much.  It's Robyn coming out of me.  It's Daniel coming out of me.  I have tried to kill that angry person for years, and you are the first person I've ever thought I could help me. But, in the end, I have been that person with you, and it's embarrasing to think about.  I wish I would never have been that awful and demeaning person with you.  I wish I could take it back."

I think it is difficult to find a purer expression of love. Absorbed in our selfish ambitions as we all are, we cannot help to think that admitting mistakes in this way will turn us vulnerable. In fact, we are often stupid enough to take advantage and use this kind of apologetic words against the lovely soul who wrote them. As much as Alia instinctively always desired to get her way, she was able to understand that it was more important, she desired even more, to be loved, and if she succeeded in the former, she would not get the latter. It seems clear to me that, when Alia wrote these lines, she was seeking help to control her selfish ambitions. However, admittedly, it would also be possible to give it a more cynical interpretation: perhaps, once she had got what she wanted, she wrote these apologies to avoid that, as a consequence, my love for her would wayne. I doubt, however, it definitely feels to me a bit to convoluted, that she had consciously planned it all in advance in such a way.

I definitely cannot help thinking the letter is truly sensational: we have been blessed with true love, but we needed to devote all our energies to cherish our blessing, or it would slowly fade away. As Alia said, we had to learn to be with each other, and, prodigiously enough, we did. I guess we both knew it was the time of our lives; it was now or never. We knew we were to each other the person we have been waiting for all our lives. Alia learned to understand my struggles and I learned to understand her struggles. We both had come to accept each other's shortcomings, because we both understood they were nothing compared to our best qualities. Not only had we been more than ready to fight for our love, but we triumphed: we had been able to build a truly wonderful relationship. Even more than lovers, we were buddies. We had become one. 

Yet, for reasons that I will never be able to wrap my head around, Robyn just could not stand it. Regardless of how happy her daughter may have been, Robyn could not accept Alia would care for anything other than Robyn. Alia belonged to Robyn and, even if she had to destroy her daughter, she would not tolerate anybody stealing her baby. For the life of me, I could have never imagined that Robyn would most definitely take King's Solomon's offer to split the baby in half. For the six years of our marriage, Robyn kept whispering into Alia's ears, she deserved much better than her pathetic half-blind husband. Much to our regret, South Africa gave her the opportunity she had so patiently been waiting for.

Our journey across Africa was definitely an absolute blast, but it was precisely when we were traveling that the limitations my visual impairment imposed upon me became more evident. In sharp contrast, everybody got totally fascinated with Alia; with her courage, her talents and her skills. In Africa no one had ever seen a young, white, blond, blue-eyed girl driving a monster Land Rover truck, let alone performing mechanical work on it. It totally blew everyone's mind. It would be fair to say that all the men were falling in love with her. Now, Alia knew perfectly well that none of those men had anything to offer to her; but matters change when we got to Cape Town.

I am pretty sure that it never got lost on Alia, that Gary was a playboy; but she just could not help it. After all, Robyn's horror stories on her deceased father had very deeply ingrained in Alia's mind the conviction that she was "cursed", and she was now ready to self-fulfill her prophecy.