Chapter 3: Mother and Daughter: Together Forever

Since the days Alia was a baby and her biological father committed suicide, Robyn has been telling her daughter, they will be together forever. Robyn did not even hesitate to use drugs to tie her daughter to her, to the point that mother and her teenage daughter doing drugs together was absorbed as a "great bonding experience" for both of them. Since very early, Robyn taught Alia she would always be right, she could always do whatever she felt like and always get her way, as long as she stays Robyn's little child. Alia got so into drugs at the early age of 11 and, being a brilliant student, dropped out of school when she was 14. Robyn was cool with all that, because "more than mother and daughter, they were best friends" and her concern was not the wellbeing of her daughter, but the wellbeing of the relationship with her. Alia is missing as many as 8 teeth in her mouth. It is really heartbreaking to listen at her explain so very embarrassed, they had to extract those teeth, even before they had started coming out, because there was no space for them. She is then so ashamed to admit she continued sucking her thumb until so late in her childhood, that her jaws eventually got deformed, to the point there was not enough space for all of her adult teeth. She is so very embarrassed about it, but, fact of the matter is, nobody ever told her it was about time she stops sucking her thumb. Robyn certainly had never any interest in risking a conflict with her daughter by correcting her in anything.     

Alia's writings show how Robyn deeply ingrained in Alia's mind the conviction Robyn had been an awesome mother and her parenting deserved quite a lot of credit for Alia being so intelligent. Robyn very cleverly sweetened the message to make it really seductive to Alia: Robyn had been an awesome mother and thanks to her great parenting Alia had grown to be so intelligent, and since Alia was so intelligent, she always knew what she was doing and, therefore, everybody had to respect her decisions; even if those were to start doing drugs at 11 or drop out of school at 14. It was, however, unfortunate Robyn was really never honest believing in her own dogma: she never quite respected Alia's decision to marry me...

It was really weird to observed Alia so passionately argue she was living proof of her mother's parenting theories' success, at the same time she showed to be deeply ashamed of her "childish and escapist use of drugs" and she was admitting to be "a very disturbed person" who "has spent years angry, depressed and suicidal". It is yet a bit more perturbing to hear Robyn brag about her parenting. Indeed, when Robyn indoctinated Alia to assume her way was always the right way and she only needed to make a trantum to get her way, Robyn cursed Alia to fail in any relationship she may ever try to establish with any other person, because nobody would ever be ready to put up with her teenage daughter's tantrums for a long enough time. As a matter of fact, throughout her emails, Alia repeatedly admitted she could not help getting mad at me whenever I expressed an opinion conflicting with hers. She was embarrassed about it and pledged to work on it (See Alia's emails Sep. 7 2010, Jan. 9 2011). She was so good that what her mother had never tried to teach her, she was able to figure out by herself.  .

Indeed, Alia was a beautiful soul and  deep inside she was able to realize, the life Robyn had designed for her (a life dragging her mother always around; whereever she went, whatever she did, her mother would always be with her) was not quite the best for her and certainly not what she wanted. Alia has always had the best memories of her childhood. She enjoyed explaining how she was not only a single child, but, for many years, the only grandchild in the family as well. She, therefore, not only had all the love of her mother, but was also the center of attention for the entire family. That was all so wonderful until she reached puberty. Then, as for any other teenager, your parents home and your parents love become way to small and way to little for all what you want in life. As a teenager you are ready to conquer the world and you need the whole world to love you. Alia wanted so badly to be popular, but, fact of the matter was, she was not; she was just one more among millions. Robyn always loved to brag about how cool it was that mother and daughter would get along so well together that they would go out, hang out and party together. However, Robyn has never wanted to understand that no guy would ever want to date a girl, if her mother is constantly sitting next to her. Yeah, it would certainly help the mother to perhaps pick up som naive toyboy, but it would definitely not help the daughter. Alia always complained she had no friends; nobody would ever call her; her childhood friends or her classmates would organize a party, but nobody would call her to invite her. Alia was perceived as an arrogant person (and her emails also transpire a bit of it). Her mother has always told her she is awesome and she is always right, so that it became impossible for Alia not to believe so. Alia wanted everybody to love her and really needed friends, but nobody would ever have any interest in getting close to her, as that space was already completely taken by her mother. When Robyn told her daughter they will always be together, Alia thought she would love to be her mother's center of attention, but she did not realize that what Robyn really wanted is to keep her daughter orbiting around her, for the rest of her life. Robyn, indeed, kept demanding she should also be her daughter's center of attention.

"Robyn is officially a bitch again.  Somehow we reconciled, but now we're back to a stand-off situation where both of us are extremely tense around each other.  It started earlier when she came downstairs after coming home from school.  She walked in while I was considering my packing for the next months, and I was not in an incredibly talkative mood.  This was, obviously, not what she wanted.  She most likely wanted me to ask her endless questions about her day, and listen silently whilst she blabbered on and on.  I did ask how her day was, but just didn't give uninterrupted attention, so I was apparently rude." 

"I've also been trying to organize some sort of birthday surprise for Robyn.  I'm leaving one week before her birthday, and knowing her, there is no excuse for not having some sort of celebration.  I know that bitch would get sour if I didn't do something for her.  There have been many hurdles that I've had to jump, but I think I know what will work." 

Alia certainly loved her mother and wanted Robyn to continue loving her. However, now, as a teenager, she also needed to find some love outside her home. With her mother's support, she started doing drugs as early as 11 years old, hoping that would make her look cool. However, that did not help her popularity and only made her feel like a fool. The drugs affected Alia's mind and mood and, deep inside, she was aware of it. Alia started hating herself and the world around her. As part of all that process, some feeling of resentment and rejection against her mother slowly started growing deep inside her. Alia started thinking what her mother wanted was not really what she wanted. Her mother kept pointing her towards a path of drugs and alcohol but that was definitely not what Alia thought was best for her. As much as she loved her mother, Alia slowly started perceiving Robyn more like an obstacle than of any help in pursuing her goals and dreams in life. That also caused a very big conflict in Alia's mind and heart: now she was starting to hate the very person who had always meant everything to her: her mother. 

As much as at a first glance she seemed an intelligent, healthy, strong and mature girl, deep inside she felt lost in anger and depression. Her life had just begun, but she already felt like a total failure; like her biological father, she started having suicidal thoughts. Alia, however, had quite a few, very important qualities by her side: she was intelligent and had an enormous strength of will. Alia was so good that, against Robyn's misguidance, she was able to figure out by herself what was good for her and was ready to put as much effort as needed to accomplish her goals and dreams.