Accomplishments

When Alia met me, she saw the opportunity to escape from the labyrinth of drugs, depression and loneliness of her teenage years, and she fought for it fiercely. 

I had just finished my Ph.D. a few years ago and was at the end of my two years bicycle tour around the American Northwest, when I first met Alia. Having lost my student status and having become ineligible for Optional Practical Training, I thought I knew my days in the U.S. were reaching their end. However, before I would leave for good, I wanted to go see the natural beauties of the American West. When I first came to the country I promised myself I would go visit Yellowstone, but, after ten years of Ph.D. studies (without a driver's license, because of my visual impairment), I had not been able to find the time and means to do it. It was an enormous effort to complete my Ph.D., but having finally succeeded, I could at least feel comfortable thinking my professional career was on the right track. I could not say the same, however, about my personal life; I really did not have much to show for in that respect. I really needed a break. I had no social life and had not had any intimate relationship with any girl. In a way, I had hoped, bicycle touring for a couple of years would help boost my social life a little bit.

I had planned to stay the night of February 16th 2010 with Steve (aka Zippy) in Florence, MT. Zippy is one of those Californians, who had moved to Montana captivated by the wonders of the mountain land. He had accepted to host me through CouchSurfing.org; but it became dark before I could make it to Florence, and I was invited to stay at Alia's place. I did not know until several weeks later, but, apparently, I immediately caught Alia's attention; particularly, or so I think, after I cooked breakfast for them the next morning. Alia actually had to leave for school before I could completely finish and could offer her a bite; but, apparently, it totally blew her mind to see me cook that sexy Spanish omelette (Spanish Tortilla). She left, however, thinking she was never going to see me again; as I was that morning continueing my bicycle trip to Helena, where I was going to have my immigration hearing some days later. Indeed, I would have never again seen Alia, if it were not because, in the last minute before leaving the house, I thought I would leave them some note with my contact information. It was certainly a wonderful surprise to see Alia contact me on Facebook a few days later, upon my arrival in Helena. 

At my immigration hearing in Helena, I got four months to leave the country, so, I had to start thinking about getting ready for my final ride back to California. The first step was to go back to Glacier, where I had set my base the previous several months and where I had left my touring gear. On my way to Glacier, passing through Missoula, I thought I would ask if it would be possible to stay at Alia's one more night. Alia accepted, but she explain in return I would need to cook breakfast for them the next morning. I gladly took that as a compliment.

We really enjoyed our little party the next morning. We had such a good time cooking, chatting, joking... that I almost forgot, or so I wished, I had to leave. It was already 3pm when I realized I should not put it off any longer and needed to start backing, as I had told them I would only ask for their help for one day. It was about 4pm when I told them I was finally ready to leave. They all went outside with me to tell me goodbye. The whole situation seemed really absurd. It certainly did not make any sense to leave that late in the day, with just an hour left before dark (I later learned, apparently everybody shared that same feeling). I kept thinking I should just ask them, given how late it was, if they would mind if I stay just one more night. They all actually seemed sad to see me go. It really caught my attention Alia really seemed sad to see me go. I knew if I leave I was not going to see her again, but I did not want to overstay my welcome, so, I was finally not able to find enough courage to say something. I took off and with each pedaled, as I was slowly leaving town, I could not stop hating myself for not having the courage to ask if I could stay one more night. I could not believe I was not going to see Alia ever again. I was completely immersed in thoughts. My head was boiling. I kept thinking I should find some excuse to come back: maybe I should organize some little trip into the Bitterroot, south of Missoula... I was completely absorbed in thoughts. My head down. My eyes stuck on the ground. All of a sudden, my bike crashed!! There was a pick-up truck sitting on the shoulder lane and I had totally run into it. If it were not because my bike, fully loaded with pannier bags, had the heaviest butt, I would now be flying over the handlebar, and still almost... The truckers were totally confused what was up with me, that I had completely missed their truck. My bicycle's fork was totally destroyed and I was totally exultant: I had just got the excuse to go back to Alia!! I was so thrilled, I could barely refrain from rising my hands in excitement. The truckers definitely could not make any sense what was the deal with me. I immediately called the house to explain what had happened, hoping they would let me stay again with them. Luckily, I got green lights and the police brought me back to the house.

Alia was also very happy to see me back. We, both, spent the rest of the evening talking and we had the most wonderful time. That was our first evening alone together. Best of all, now I had an excellent excuse to stay there until I could fix my bicycle (and I was certainly not going to put much interest in that project). Little did we know, we were living the beginning of the most beautiful love story ever.

Over the next days, Alia and I spent endless hours talking and arguing about just anything we could think of. I need to admit, however, I think I played with some advantage: being a Spanish night owl, I was used to stay up late. Alia, however, being a Montana early bird, needed to go to bed to wake up early the next day to go to school. It was really infuriating for Alia that she would really need to go to bed and I would still stubbornly refuse to concede to any of her points. It did not matter how angry she would get, I would still not budge. I think that ended up making her feel more attracted to me: Alia knew she wanted a strong and intelligent man, and it seemed to her I was that kind of person.

Alia was a wonderful girl: she was intelligent, energetic, beautiful, attractive, hardworking and talented. She was basically perfect, so I started calling her Lisa Simpson. I could not believe a girl like her would have any interest in me, but it turned out she kept making signs inviting me to start courting her. However, I certainly had little experience in the art of flirting and was definitely not very good at it: I, so, tended to be rather overcautious. As days passed, Alia started getting anxious with my lack of feedback; wondering if I was just playing or it was that I simply struggled figuering it out. Alia was certainly not the kind of girl who would accept to be kept in indecision. If she needed an answer, she would go and get it. If I needed help figuring things out, she would put it blatantly; because she could not stand it anymore. That was her Facebook post that morning: "I can't stand it anymore!" All her contacts thought she was just elaborating on the Rolling Stones' song, but her message was definitely aimed at me. It was her very own way to say: "What is up with you? (...do you want me or not?)"

   

I had planned to use those few, last monts in the U.S. that I had been given at my immigration hearing, to slowly enjoy my ride back to California from Montana. But, Alia changed everything. Fact of the matter was, Alia was all what I have been looking for my whole life. I, obviously, could not let an opportunity like that pass by. At the very least I needed to try it out. I, therefore, decided I would use as much time as possible to allow us getting to know each other as best as possible, and, when the time would be up, we would know better what to do with our relationship. Alia knew as well I only had a few months left in the country and it certainly made her feel anxious to think our relationship had an expiration date. Very soon she started talking about marriage. That shocked me: it seemed to me we were rushing something as serious as marriage. I thought it would be best to play by ear and only take decisions when we had gathered, if not enough information, at least the maximum information that time allowed us.

During the next couple of months, Alia and I enjoyed our time together in friendly Missoula. Alia made sure to use that time to study me and analyze if I was indeed the right person for her. However, I was determined not to miss the opportunity I had been given, and I was going to make sure to give out the best of me; after all, that is how I have always been. I think there were also some special circumstances, which played in my favor: I was coming from a rather different culture and background than Alia; so, it was easier for me to impress her. For example, the Spanish and European music I used to played and the Spanish and Swiss dishes I used to cook, opened a new world to Alia, and it really blew her mind.

By the end of May, I only had a few weeks left, before my deadline to leave the country. At that time, I could not even think of trying to marry, as an excuse to obtain an extension. My departure was unavoidable, because Alia did not want me to stay in the country illegally either. I just needed to decide, whether I wanted to marry or not before leaving. Like Alia, somehow, I have always thought I really only wanted to marry once in my life. The idea of going through divorce and, more importantly, sending children back and forth, from Mom to Dad, and back to Mom, has always felt to me very messy and unpleasing for the parents and very painful for the children. 

Consequently, I had always thought I would need to have some good certainty that the relationship was going to succeed, before I would go ahead with marriage. However, under the circumstances back then, I had to realize, at least in our case, it was actually the other way around. It was not that I should only marry, if I was sure the relationship was going to succeed; rather, we had to marry, if we wanted to allow our relationship any chance of succeeding. If I had ever thought of marriage as a silverbullet, it was a mistake to save my silverbullet for the time I will be sure I will hit my target. Rather I needed to use my silverbullet the moment I realized I had the right target in front of me. Then, the question became whether Alia was the right person or not. The answer to that question was clear: Alia was definitely worth it. At that time, having been together for a couple of months, I had come to realize that Alia was indeed not perfect. There had already been a couple of cases where she had got mad at me for some really stupid reasons. Perhaps she was not as mature as I had wanted to think at a first glance. But I had to exercise some realism: who is perfect anyway? Certainly not me. Now, one thing was very clear to me: Alia was going to do everything in her hands to help our relationship to succeed. That was actually not a minor consideration; rather it was very relevant given Alia was a very bright and talented woman, with an enormous strength of will. For example, one day Alia even came up telling me that she was "allways full of shit". She was tipping me off not to take her seriously, whenever in a discussion she would try to camouflage her lack of solid knowledge on a certain matter, by forcefully and agressively arguing whatever point, just hoping to intimidate her opponent and have him give in. Although I would eventually realize that there was something more to it than what I initially thought, at that time it certainly seemed to me truly remarkable that she was so committed to our relationship's success, that she was ready to betray the main strategy that she was going to use to get her way against me. Taking everything together, the conclusion was straightforward: if our relationship was not going to succeed, I would not succeed in any other relationship anyway.

   

Alia had told me chocolate was her favorite cake. So, I asked my mother for some good chocolate cake recipe. I was considering some fancy options; but, in the end, I decided my best bet was my mother's good, old chocolate cake recipe: the one she used to make when we were little. However, I had the stupid idea that I would add my own special touch to it: I thought I would add a layer of vanilla icecream on top of the cake. But, with the cake just out of the oven, the vanilla icecream stubbornly insisted in melting and soaking in into the the cake, no matter how quickly I would throw the whole thing, the two of them, into the freezer. I had some talks with, both, the icecream and the cake; but they would simply not want to cooperate. Alia had already come back from work and I was still struggling with my chocolate cake. As hopeless as it was, I did not want Alia to know what was going on, so I sent her to the room "to work on some homework or something, while I finish with something". Surprisingly, Alia accepted without questions or complaints. I kept struggling with my stupid vanilla icecream chocolate cake for a couple of more hours; but, eventually, I had to accept it was simply not going to work, as I had desired. I just had to work with what I had.

Unfortunately, It had got really late, but I still needed to do my thing. I knew Alia was ready to go to bed; but I told her we still needed to go for a walk. That is, I wanted to take her for a romantic, late-night walk; yeah, that is what I meant. Again, surprisingly, Alia accepted without complaint or question. Alia will never admit it, but I am pretty sure she knew very well I was "cooking something", but definitely did not want to break the magic of the moment. So, she was playing along...

I took Alia to her favorite spot at the river. Once there, I opened my backpack and, as I pulled out my chocolate cake and presented it to her, I asked Alia to marry me. "Si!!!", was her answer. Alia was so happy she told me my failed vanilla-icecream-chocolate-cake experiment was the best chocolate cake ever.

Our wedding day was a very happy day. However, Alia's parents were very unhappy. The judge, somehow, seemed to had figure out all what was going on. "So, what?, you only just met recently, is that right?", she asked me. I confirmed we had only med 3-4 months earlier. "yeah, three months, that is exactly how long me and my husband had known each other when we marry. That was 30 years ago and we are still happily married." I took that as a sign of support against Alia's parents.

The judge then proceeded with the ceremony. She was quite a strong character: now she kept grumbling at me, I should not look at her, but at Alia. She was right; Alia looked ggorgeous. I will forever remember her face: her smile was bigger than her face. I felt blessed: a girl like Alia was so happy to marry me; she was so happy thinking she was going to share the rest of her life with me. Alia definitely loved me and I loved her.