Chapter 6 - Life is Beautiful

Chapter 6 - Life is Beautiful

Over the next couple of years, we lived the happy life of a young couple in beautiful Montana. We moved in into Alia's family's house; downstairs from Robyn's. Alia actually returned a little earlier, because she needed to be back in Missoula in late August 2012, for the beginning of the Fall semester in college. Whereas I had to stay a couple of months longer in Spain, to finish getting my immigration paperwork ready and figure out what to do with our beloved Rolf, the VW Golf I had bought for our travels throughout Europe. As it had happened in 2010, Alia struggled through this time we were again apart. As her emails show, upon arrival she felt quite chipper; really proud of her accomplishmen and excited to begin our new life as a couple back home. However, soon she started missing me and feeling lonely. Like it had happened in the past, after some weeks, Alia was feeling angry and depressed. This time, however, it was not anything like on our first year, before our journey. This time she did not go crazy. Now she had become a mature and sensible woman and was able to keep it together. Still, I thought I needed to do something to cheer her up: I flew into Seattle and went through quite an ordeal taking rides from there all the way to Missoula, to show up at her door all by surprise. Two years and a half after our very sad goodbye in Seattle, we were finally back together in the same house we first met and spent our first days together; the home where our love was born. We have done it! We set up a plan, we worked hard through it and we triumphed!! Hey!, from the very bottom of my heart, thank you so very much to all the endless number of people who helped us; hosting us, giving us rides or simply did their best to help! I will forever remember you and be infinitely grateful to all of you.    

It was already November and the deer hunting season had just started in Montana. Alia could not wait to show off her hunting skills, so she organized with Daniel a hunting trip to the Lammer's Ranch in Two Dot, in deep Eastern Montana. I need to admit it was quite a fascinating far-West experience for an European city boy: it could not get more authentic. Alia was able to hunt a deer and a rabbit! I liked to joke how upset our little imaginary rabbit friends were marching in circles around us, carrying signs protesting against the killing of rabbits.   

Shortly after returning to Missoula, I learned Alia had given up taking Ornithology class in Spring. I felt sad about it, because I knew well how much she had always wanted to take that class: she always loved birds. As a matter of fact, during our first weeks together, in Spring 2010, Alia would get me up every Sunday at 7am to come join her to her favorite spot at the river, for some Phenology study (counting birds) she liked to continue. A couple of years earlier, she conducted a Phenology study for some class in college. Since then, every Spring, she liked to continue that study on her own. It really killed me to get up every Sunday morning at 7am; but, hey!, you know... you just do anything for love...   

Spring 2013 was going to be Alia's last semester in college and, therefore, her last chance to take Ornithology. However, she had assumed we did not have money to afford pay for just one more elective class. I thought, however, if we could afford a two-year journey overseas, we should also be able to find money to pay for her favorite class. I attempted to talk her into still trying to register for Ornithology; but she said it was too late. Fact of the matter is it had been a very painful decision for her to give up that class, so it really hurt her to continue thinking about it: she 'made clear' she did not want to talk about it anymore. However, I can also be very stubborn, so I secretly found out who was the class instructor and contacted her to ask her for a meeting, hoping she would be able to allow Alia a spot in the class. At our meeting, Kristen told me they normally reserve a few seats for those students who meet some special criteria. Alia was so able to take her Ornithology class and she absolutely loved it! I can still remember she would usually ask me to test her on some stack of slide cards she was supposed to memorize. It was not any effort for her, she actually enjoyed studying and learning about birds.

Those were really happy days. Alia had the stress of her forestry classes and I had the stress of starting looking for work to support us, but we were young, we love each other and we had all our life ahead! For now we were getting ready to enjoy some white Christmas: our first Christmas together in Montana! Alia talked with Daniel planning on us spend Christmas with him at his cabin in Rock Creek. Some months earlier, Daniel had received some old chickens for free and Alia loved them. The chickens were, however, very old and were barely laying eggs. I so had the idea to get Daniel some 25 chicks for Christmas. Alia placed the order from a hatchery in Texas, where they hatched on Christmas Day 2012, and from where they were shipped inside some really awful box, to arrive in freezing, snowed Montana in the morning of December 26. Two of the chicks, totally squashed, did not survive the trip. One of them literally died in my hands, while Alia was teaching the others how to drink. It has always been very striking to me to think, to what extent all the other chicks were totally oblivious and aloof of their sister's tragedy. Today we like to torment ourselves arguing that we are the worse of the worse: no other animal is as selfish, cruel, viscious and, all together, produces as much evil as humans. However, actually, wherever we look in Nature: cats, rats, chicken... there is nothing but viciousness and savagery. After all, we all know, the predominant law in Nature is the very inhumane survival of the fittest. For example, it was not just that the chicks did not care a thing for their sister's wellbeing; but they had actually trampled her to death in the first place.  

That is obviously not to say that human beings are little angels who come from Heaven... For whatever the reason Daniel always hated me. Perhaps it was not anything personal; probably he just hated the fact I married Alia. Perhaps, there was a bit of jealousy... On my very wedding day, Alia had the brilliant idea to have him drive me to the courthouse, while she would go with Robyn in a separate car. During the whole drive, Daniel kept harassing me, questioning I would marry Alia for love, but for some other spurious intention, like getting a green card. He also warned me Alia would have to finish college, then go to graduate school and join the Peace Corps afterwards. During the wedding party, Daniel went back asking why was it that I would not drink any alcohol or do any drugs?: perhaps I have been alcoholic or addicted to drugs in the past? As I made clear I simply have always been clean, he continued asking, what was then wrong with my eyes... 

I was always such a fool, I kept thinking Daniel would slowly warm up on me, but that was simply never going to happen. I actually always felt more respect for him than for Robyn, since I always thought he had put more effort in responsibly parenting Alia than Robyn ever had. Nevertheless, he was always going to hate anything that came from me.

 Indeed, Daniel did not like his Christmas gift at all and got rather upset about it. But Alia really loved the chickens. We decided we would call them "the Geralds". We also explained we would be happy to come work and help Daniel build the chicken coop and set everything up. Daniel so warmed up quickly on the Geralds. For the next two years, we would periodically go to Rock Creek to visit Daniel and check on the chickens. Alia really enjoyed to play with them, run after them, chase them down and, most of all, hug them dearly. I do not think the chickens enjoyed the hugs that much, though...

For Spring-Break 2013 Alia organized a winter-camping trip to Bass Lake. It was one of those things Alia kept fantasizing about during the couple of years we were traveling overseas: she kept talking about how when we would be back in Montana, she would take me hunting and show me what hunting is all about; when we would be back in Montana, she would take me winter-camping and show me how winter-camping should really be done. Alia has always had a strong attachment to her childhood and her home state of Montana. She could not wait to share and show me all the Montanan traditions and Western culture she had learned and absorbed as a child. She was hoping I would also embrace and get to love them the same way she did. I thought I had already winter-camped before I met her, but I would obviously do it the Spanish way, like taking fresh food with me (for example some fresh, fat Valencia oranges) and she would explain that was certainly not the right way of winter-camping. The 'pros' were only allowed to bring dried fruits and cook some tasteless oat-meal paste shit they will swear is the best thing ever.

Alia planned to camped by the frozen lake and do a couple of snowshoe hikes to the nearby peaks during the day. However, we found a ton of really fresh, soft snow and, despite the snowshoes, we would still posthole; making it really hard to progress. Alia then concluded, after all her point about winter camping had already been made and it was now time to just enjoy the moment together. We went so back to the tent, into the sleeping bags and warm up, hugging and squeezing each other. Then, Alia grabbed The Lord of the Rings and read us some more chapters. When she got tired reading, we went back to hugging and squeezing each other. Without a doubt, that always was what Alia liked the most: to cuddle. In the end, we only got out of the tent to cook some of that awful winter-camping paste shit.

  

In May 2013, Alia finally graduated from college. It actually meant a lot to Alia. For one thing it was quite some relief to get a higher-education degree. Until then she had felt quite embarrassed I had a Ph.D. and she was not even able to show a high-school degree. For me it was also a reason to feel proud of. One of the main excuses for Alia's parents to oppose our marriage was their assumption I would not respect her dreams and would not allow her finish college. Then, when Alia took a leave from her last year to join me for our travels overseas, Alia's parents insisted she would never come back to college. Well..., they were wrong and she did go back to college; we were just smart and switched the order of things to make it easier on her. Unfortunately, the fact that we prove them wrong did not change a bit the opinion they had about me. They were, however, very excited on Alia's Graduation Day; Daniel could not hold up the tears. They wanted to be in all the pictures. Alia had to call out my name and go get find me to get me in some picture. 

Robyn and Daniel for sure felt they deserved a lot of credit for Alia completing her college degree. However, they never helped her with a single dollar for her loans. That actually had meant a lot to Alia, since she has always been really, very very tormented by the enormous financial burden her student loans represented. Alia's email of September 8th 2010 show very clearly to what extend she was obsessed with her student-loans debt. As a matter of fact, that was a significant factor which precluded our marriage from getting any healing, after Alia collapsed, conquered by her South African cassanova playboy asshole Gary Rhenda.

"Floren, Alia <alia.floren@umconnect.umt.edu>

Wed, Sep 8, 2010, 12:30 PM

to me

All I ever wanted to say was that I take out loans, and I feel fucking awful about the burden it is going to create on our life.  I got quiet, and didn't know what to say, because you asked if I was going to get a refund on my tuition.

Well, NO, I'm not going to get a refund on my tuition, because I didn't really pay any money.  Yes some money will be refunded to the loan provider, but NO, I will not get any refund.  This is a really embarrassing thing for me.  I feel like a fucking idiot because I take out loans.  It is one thing I am most embarrassed about.

I have had to answer people that question many times in the last day.  People always ask "Are you going to get a refund"   It's embarrassing for me, I don't know how to express that strongly enough.  I don't usually know what to say.  I don't want to tell them I pay for school with loans.  I feel like an idiot! 

It's a really touchy issue for me.  In the end, I really needed you to acknowledge that it's obviously a touchy issue for me, and I guess I was hoping you would tell me it's okay.

But, is it okay?

I'm sorry.  I'm freaking out, because I was never going to be ready to tell you about this.  I AM NOT PERFECT!  In fact, I'm very imperfect, and I hate the fact that I am so pathetic because of it. 

I knew I was going to have to tell you, but it is FUCKING EMBARRASSING. 

I'm sorry for this. 

I love you

Floren, Alia <alia.floren@umconnect.umt.edu>

Wed, Sep 8, 2010, 12:33 PM

to me

 In the end, I really just don't want you to think I'm an idiot for having such a great debt.  I feel like an idiot. 

Don't hate me for it."

I have always found it irritatingly sarcastic how Alia's parents have always proclaimed their utmost concern for Alia's education, but then, never ever made the slightest sacrifice to support her. I will always remember Robyn screaming at me, just a few days after our wedding, Alia had to go to graduate school. At that time, Alia still had one year to finish her college degree and she had never told me she could not imagine her life without a graduate degree, so, it seemed to me we still had a long way to go and I did not feel comfortable promising Robyn something that still seemed uncertain. Robyn got mad at me, arguing how important Alia's education was for her. I cannot help thinking it was really too bad that Alia's education was not that important for Robyn when Alia dropped out of high-school, just because, when she was 14. Anyway, good that Robyn had finally figure out how important her daughter's education was; although I am still not too impressed. I guess it is easy to have the utmost concern for your daughter's education, when you will always look away, towards somebody else, to pay the dozens-of-thousand-of-dollars bills.         

Alia's parents insistance with her dreams reached really disturbing levels for me. I found it really disrespectful they not only completely disregarded my Ph.D., but also demanded I would do the same. I worked really, really hard and made enormous sacrifices (even compromising my health) to complete my Ph.D.; but now Robyn and Daniel were telling me I should just forget about it and from then on I just had to focus on supporting her daughter achieve what they said were her dreams. So, for example, when the day came that her daughter would enroll in graduate school or join the Peace Corps, I would just have to follow her, regardless of the lack of Ph.D.-level work opportunities at our new destination. Not only did it seem to me unfair and disrespectful, but also really not very smart. Once I had made such an accomplishment, it was not only an asset for me, but also an asset for Alia. As a matter of fact, Alia never perceived my Ph.D. as an obstacle to her dreams, but like an asset from which she would also benefit. Obviously, in any couple's life, there is always the potential of conflicts of interests, but Alia and I were ready for them and were both committed to be reasonable and work through them whenever they would arise. Fact of the matter is, eventually, we were always able to find a way that would make us both happy: eventually, I was able to find some fascinating, Ph.D.-level work as a remote freelancer and Alia, as a grown-up woman, no longer felt the need to pursue to the letter her childhood dreams. After all, we all know, childhood dreams are often greatly influenced by the child's constant desire to please and impress its parents. Unfortunately, Alia's parents never accepted her change of mind and were always convinced I had manipulate her into giving up her childhood dreams. However, when they were finally able to break her down and take back control of her, now that they got her back in Robyn's basement, stuck to some illiterate drug addict, they do not see any chance to regret Alia has completely abandoned all her dreams: not only her childhood dreams, but also her dreams as a young woman. As a matter of fact, the only dreams that stay alive and strong are Alia's parents own dreams to forever keep her baby tied to them, playing five-year-old child for their very own amusement.

Alia did not invite nor tell anybody in her family about our wedding: only her parents (and a couple of Robyn's friends)were present. Alia has always needed very badly everybody's approval. So, although I really do not think the rest of her family ever had any problem with it, Alia's parents fierce opposition to our wedding made her fear to be disowned and feel in that way ashamed of marrying me. Her Graduation Day was, however, different. Now that she had triumphed she was eager to show off her accomplishments: she invited all her family and friends over. She organized a big party and was sure to impress her guests with an amazing presentation on our two-year journey across Central America and all over Europe, she had been carefully preparing over the previous weeks. Alia was indeed very proud and happy for her traveling experience. This is so much so that she put together a travel blog with lots of pictures, stories and information about our travels (http://florenbautistatravelblog.blogspot.com). Each of us would give our own flavor to it: Alia covered all topics, but avoided getting lost in the details, whereas I preferred to focus on the most remarkable experiences and go in real detail over them. We both thought what we had done was very special and there was more to come. We both wanted to share our experience with the whole world.